Ciao.

Now

2007-02-18T14:12:00.000-05:00

I was promoted. Yay.

So I now work from 7:30am-8pm Monday-Friday. On Saturdays I only work 4-6 hours. Sundays are a very blissful day for me.

We've had over two feet of snow, which makes driving and just walking out the front door a mission into the Arctic.

On a random note, I'm looking for various ethnic dishes that can be served to a large group easily and economically. Suggestions, if anyone in the world still reads this piece, are welcome.

Beta Blogger...basically, it sucks

2007-01-28T21:29:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I just need to say I hate the new beta blogger. The one where you sign in with your gmail account and then enter your password...also included is a box you click to save your sign in info so you don't need to sign in every single time you post a comment on someone's blog or post a new post. I've clicked it numerous times and each time I post a comment on someone's blog and go to another, I have to sign in again. Are you kidding me?

Sadly, it's preventing me from keeping this piece up to date, yes I am so lazy that I am thwarted from posting blogs because it won't save my email. That is horribly lazy. Basically, I'm horrible. And, to reiterate, lazy.

So I've decided that until I've lost 15 pounds, I will not let myself suck into a new pair of pants. This is problematic as my only pair of decent-fitting jeans are so mad with me that they're coming apart at the seams. Literally. My crotch is starting to rip. Of all the places, why there? I'm reminded of an OMC song....

And, blurry as it is, I know this picture represents that song as well.

Ciao.

And yes, I know my links are messed up. Laura...I wanted to ask if you wanted yours their as well...I know that I rarely talk to you not that you became the myspace bum. I still love you though.

So...bleh

2007-01-23T21:31:00.000-05:00

Shane and I went to Manchester, NH last Friday/Saturday and stayed at a very nice Hilton hotel right in downtown. It was fun, fresh air but freezing cold.

I have pictures, but as I scrolled through my album I realized about 75% are of houses I saw and liked. I do like houses.

Lately I've been wondering if sometimes I care too much. I mean, I'm "friends" with two of my ex boyfriends, and sometimes I go out of my way, foolishly, to see how they are doing. I never get responses back, ever. It seems like I'm used only when they're lonely. I wonder if I think too often about them - not missing them by any means - while they think little or not at all of me. Why should it matter? Both proved to be great impacts on my life and I think of the time I had with them as nice, young and fun...but it seems they don't think the same way for me. Again, it shouldn't matter, it really really shouldn't, and I can't seem to figure out why I wonder too often about it. Maybe I care too much, maybe I am only bothering them when I send them a quick message "how are you?". I don't know. All I ever wanted out of those relationships was the friendship that it was built on. I never got it back.

Ciao.

De-Lurking Week of 2007

2007-01-08T22:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, we all do it...we all read blogs and never, ever comment on them. I have a list of about six blogs I read and never comment on. I don't know why, maybe I'm shy? Meh.

But anyways, I'd like to know if ANYONE still reads this piece...I know a few people do, as they mention it once in a while. But, if you're lurking on here, just drop me a comment, tell me something about yourself. It's creepy not knowing who is listening to you.

Thanks to those of you who do read and I'm sorry you read this at the same time. Thanks anyhow, perhaps my posts will become more interesting with the latest developments?

Ciao.

Just want to say...

2007-01-06T15:32:00.000-05:00

I don't say it enough, my friends are truly amazing. I love you all.

Top 10

2007-01-01T11:42:00.000-05:00

I was waiting until the New Year to write this just in case something seriously amazing happened on New Year's Eve - which, nothing did.

Last year, I did a top 10 of moments, top 9 of movies, top 7 something...and it went down to top book...but I'm feeling a bit, hmm, tired, so a top ten moments of 2006 should suffice.

10. Moving into the new house. Obviously, the apartment was seriously small, and aggravations with everything seemed to control us all. Moving in to the house also leads me to number 9.

9. Getting our dog Albert. We weren't able to have a dog at the old apartment, so getting a house was a huge blessing. Sure, most of the time I could kill him, but he's fun when he wants to be.

8. Going to Idaho for a few weeks. It was the longest Shane and I had been apart since before I went out to his house in Lewiston, but all in all, it was fun. It was hard on Shane and I after my phone broke two days into the vacation, and my flight didn't get in until three hours before work after traveling for 48 hours straight, but whatever.

7. Getting the summer job. As annoying as it was to leave the house, go north to Charlestown, go south to Alstead for work, and then go north to Bellows Falls, and then more north to Charlestown, it was a rewarding experience and definitely prepared me for my second job.

6. Starting work again. I know, as much as I complain, I really did miss a lot of the people and the kids. Plus, I got a kind-of promotion to librarian...woo!

5. Getting the second job. (Noticing a trend?) The second job is a HUGE blessing for us, I'm basically making the same amount I make with my first job, and it thrills me. I'm blessed to work with someone I already know, someone who I respect and admire.

4. Finding out Crystal is preggo. Even still, when I look at her and see her stomach growing with each week, I can't fully grasp that there is a child in there. It's beautiful; amazing.

3. Getting my cat, Akila. I know, sad that three different jobs and a cat rate higher than my dog, but I'm still getting used to him. Akila has been great, the best cat I've ever owned (that's saying a lot!). She's so much fun, so loving, and Shane and I just adore her.

2. Sona visiting for my birthday. I love and miss her so seriously much, I feel like I come out of my shell when she's around. She is so incredibly giving, I can't imagine my life without her.

1. Getting the ring from Shane on our anniversary. Though I've lost the ring (!!!!!!!), I know I'll find it eventually. The promise was more important than the ring, something I learned afterwards.

2007 is shaping to be one of the best years of my life, so I'm sure that this time next year (2008) I will have many more remarkable moments. This was rather a "blah" year I'd say. I hope everyone had a safe and fun New Year celebration!

Ciao.

New Template

2006-12-28T09:28:00.000-05:00

No, you're not seeing things - I have changed my blog template.

It's been two years now that I've had this beast, and although it's popularity has dwindled to nothing, I am going to keep it for myself.

Ciao.

I must be getting old...

2006-12-26T22:51:00.000-05:00

Christmas is without a doubt my favorite holiday. I love the nostalgia of the mistletoe, the smell of the Christmas tree, lying under the tree to see the lights sparkling above, the smells of cooking, beautiful snow (hrumph), etc, etc, etc.

However, this year seemed to be lacking in all that warm, gooey feeling. We had a real tree this year, my mom started decorated way early, we were baking in November, but still, I feel "meh" about Christmas. And I love Christmas.

I can do without the material gifts, really, I can. They are a nice perk, but seeing family that I rarely see, toasting to our futures, sharing stories...I just love my family. Ever since my mom divorced my stepdad, things haven't been the same. I come from and Italian/Irish Catholic family, so you know there are a lot of us. A typical family gathering that is (to be redundant) typically every holiday has about 50-70 family members. Lately, everyone is just too lazy to care.

My brother visited this Christmas, so that was nice. But still, I would never be able to put this year's Christmas at the top of my most memorable Christmases. Or even close to the top.

I am feeling really down, which is unusual since I love this time of the year. Something is missing, something isn't right.

The day after Christmas was nice, Justin and Ethan came over so Shane and I, along with my brother Danny, and Ethan and Justin went to a Chinese buffet place. (Yes, I know that sentence is fragmented, I really don't care.) There has to be something wrong with me to think that I could go to a restaurant with four obnoxious boys and have a peaceful dinner. The boys cracked jokes left and right, causing the brother to shoot food out of his nostrils, Ethan to almost knock over the back of the booth, and Shane and I being the victims of a one-sided food fight. I wish I'd brought my camera with me, as the pictures would've shown exactly how I felt. It was nice, really, and basically better than Christmas.

Not much left to say, I start work with my second job again, as I fight a second bout of flu this season. I just want to close my eyes and sleep until things are better again.

Ciao.

"The Michael Jackson Disease"

2006-12-23T00:02:00.000-05:00

My vitiligo is back, as I expected. I'm scheduling a doctor's appt after the holiday rush to be checked for several things including (but not limited to) diabetes.

My grandfather was diabetic and for the last year, my health has become increasingly worse, with mild symptoms associated with diabetes. I don't think I have it; whether that is denial or not I'm not sure. However, when I was in Colorado I was supposed to get blood work after the doctors found an abnormally (don't you love it when they use words like that?) large amount of white blood cells leaving my body through urine. But, I moved and was dropped from my insurance because I didn't live with papi anymore. I really can't afford this doctor's visit and whatever tests they will have to run...so I hope my vitiligo leaves...it won't, but whatever. Damn it, I'm pissed. I've had so many problems with my vision blurring, I've been to the restroom at least 10 times a day (Gah, I wish I was kidding), I wake up several times at night to drink water, I'm exhausted and I'm having one particular infection repeatedly, no matter how often I've treated it.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Ciao.

Because I am possibly the most annoying person on Myspace

2006-12-14T21:55:00.000-05:00

I am the annoying person who posts a bulletin a few times a week. Usually, they are those lame surveys that no one really reads, they just do them because they're completely bored and don't have better things to do. As I was filling out a bulletin survey today, one of the questions read:

Who do you stalk on MySpace?

Now, I don't seriously stalk anyone on Myspace. I started it to find people from high school that I was friends with, but when it comes down to it, the only friend I consider as a high school friend is Sona. Most of the people on my list are people I did indeed go to high school with, but I didn't know them well enough to call them a friend. I don't take the title "friend" lightly. Maybe I'm intense, but all of my friends have the potential to easily be a best friend; I don't count aquaintances as friends.

Since I joined Myspace, I've gotten to know a lot of people I never gave a thought to in high school. A few of them said they were afraid of me, I can't blame them. I mean, I'm the same kid who purposefully flung my locker open at the perfect time to ram the corner of it into someone's head, essentially cutting open their forehead. "Oh, that's why you were almost expelled?" No, it's one of the many instances my intensity pushed it's way onto another person. One of the many instances that put me in an intervention with the vp and principal, police guy, etc. To put it mildy, I wasn't the most congenial of sorts.

My answer to that useless bulletin? It's nothing monumental or life inspiring:

People that should've been my friends in high school.

Really, I should have been. Instead I moved a couple thousands of miles away to develop friendships afterwards because I'm smart like that.

Still, after I posted that I thought to myself, "I would have never been friends with them either way." Why? I'm the person who finds it much easier to communicate via msn, email, lame myspace comments, facebook pokes and whatever else. I'm awkward in person, I have zero conversation, I have ADD tendencies and I stutter. Yep, I stutter. You'd be surprised to know your "friend" Whitney was in speech therapy in elementary school to stop the st-st-st-stuttering.

Moving away has improved my socialness (is that a word?). I'm working on what happens when I start meeting/reuniting with a lot of these people when I see them next summer. If it worked for Shane and I (meeting online and then in person) then surely it can work for someone who I see as having just friend potential, right? Right? It better, or else I'm stuck in high school.

Ciao.

P.S. I know, skimming through a few posts, that I mispell and my grammer is often horrible. Keep in mind that my corpus collasum is probably about as useful as a male's, so my multi-tasking is bound to be non-existent. I never truly focus 100% on posts through completion; I wish my life was so dull that I didn't have a million things to do. Since I over explained as I often to, the bottom line is I'm making mistakes, but I see no reason to correct them. I won't pretend to be perfect, don't expect me to be.

25 Things I've Noticed

2006-12-10T13:12:00.000-05:00

So, being this has been a busy month, I've spent about (cringing as I type this) $400 on eBay for Christmas shopping since December....7th. Yes, I'm a maniac. Okay so my first sentence is rather fragmented, but what I was going to say was I've noticed 25 things this week, and I'd like to document them.

I don't guard my expressions as much as I thought I did.
Some people really have no spine. I'm not talking literally, but they've got no back bone when it comes to telling the truth, no matter how bitter it tastes.
I have the tendency to be a label whore. For example, I find myself never buying bottled water that isn't a brand I like (ie: Aquafina, Evian, or Fiji). It doesn't matter that the store-brand bottled water is probably just as refreshing, at $0.50 less than the name-brand; I'm just picky. I admit this with some shame, as the idea of buying something I could have for free (albeit, it tastes grimy from our tap) is rather obnoxious indeed.
I'm a leader too often of the time. I feel like a lot of people have no idea what they're doing when it comes to anything, and I have to coach them through it, often planning the entire thing myself. An example? A friend of mine was telling me that he was going to propose to my friend. I took the reigns and steered us my way, with me picking out the ring, going over his proposal idea and immediately rejecting it and telling him exactly what he should do. Pompous? I didn't realize how rude I could be.
I have a guilty pleasure with listening to Mandy Moore's original hit "Candy" over and over to the point of insanity.
Some people genuinely think that turning their bass up to earthquake-esque "booms" is sexy.
I rushed into accepting the librarian position at work without knowing exactly what it entailed.
Fixer-upper homes sound more appealing than a beautiful home for the same price.
There really is no point in me owning a cell phone when I'm not fond of chatting on it and lose it on a weekly basis.
I have a new passion for autistic children and how amazingly intelligent they truly are.
I am seen as, to take the title from Jet, a cold hard bitch. I'm sorry to those who think that's who I am.
Double-sided tape is just annoying.
I find saying goodbye on msn is often dragged out to 5 minutes, so often I rudely just sign out while I'm being messaged.
There is nothing more beautiful than the transition from Fall to Winter in New England.
When it snows outside, mesh ballet shoes do not cut it on recess duty.
Netflix, as much as I adore them, LIES!
I have a floor in my room and it's beautiful.
I adore children and am becoming more open to the idea of adoption.
It defeats the purpose of bragging about your great-great-great grandfather when no one knows who Sitting Bull was.
I'm in my twenties, still a virgin, and my little brother who just got his license lost his virginity before I did.
My dog is a douche.
I love the smell of clean linen spray.
I have two weeks until Christmas, I haven't sent out my cards yet, I haven't started on Shane's home-made gift yet and I missed an entire week from my second job because I had the flu, so I am missing out on moolah.
It should be pretty easy to tell what side of a turkey is facing up, but it isn't to me. Our Thanksgiving turkey was cooked upside down.
I'm in love with Christmas.

Ciao.

Deers again

2006-11-19T12:36:00.000-05:00

My mom is happy. She went to Istanbul last week, for a week, and is happier than I've seen her since..forever. She's in love, she is being valued - mind and body. It makes me happy for her, she's just hit forty and deserves to be in love for once.

Shane and I spent Saturday night with Crystal (Preggo) and Tristian. It was interesting, her and I cooked a yumo meal, complete with four cheese ravioli in marinara, hamburgers, garlic bread and corn. It was an interesting meal. Anyway, because we live in towns that offer just one working traffic light, we ventured north to Walmart. Amazing.

As we drove back on one of the little back woods roads (the one that boasts Little Canada Rd!) we came across two deer, grazing in the grass next to the road. I can admit that ever since our literal run-in with the deer last month, I've been very wary of driving on the interstate at night. When we came across the deer, I caught my breath. We ended up turning around, going back and just looking at them, in the dark, with the only soundtrack being the cliche crickets chirping and owls whoing. It was serene, it was nice.

When Shane and I finally left that night, we took the interstate. I wanted to caution Shane to drive a little under the speed limit, but then I realized that if it's supposed to happen again, it will. I don't want to know I'm responsible if I ask him to slow down and this causes us to hit a deer again. I still feel guilty about that deer, and I still have nightmares about it. I can't get out of my head the sight of a huge brown blur flying in front of us, from the left side of the car, and all the blurs we saw as the car spun. I'm scared, and it's humbling to admit that.

Ciao.

195th

2006-11-10T22:41:00.000-05:00

So I guess this is my 195th post published, according to blogger beta. Actually, it's much more, as I deleted a few handfuls frantically, paranoid that someone I knew would come across this site and read things I don't want read. It's one of the reasons I don't list my blog on my myspace or facebook pages. Anyways.

It's Friday, for another hour and a half, and I am keeping my promise with posting. It's kind of sad though, a lot of the people I started blogging with have disappeared (ahem, ahem Leif, Miriam, there are more but I'm lazy). Depressing, I tell you what. I mean, I remember in December of 04, harrassing Leif on his blog as I was very angry for no apparent reason, and then when he traveled to the U.S. in October of last year and we went to Yale. That was fun, eh? Wow, off topic, but yeah. Blogging has become lame since the people I blogged back and forth with have died or something. My blog posts are missing comments after the stalker and the Aussies stopped commenting. I don't care, really, I just feel lonely.

This blog seems lame- I almost want to scrap it, but I'm sentimental. This blogged followed me through mine and Shane's relationship. I posted a lot of personal posts. (Most of which have been deleted, so should you feel the urge to search through past posts - HA! You'll only find lame posts.) I've resigned myself to viewing blogs of people I don't know, since other people don't keep up with theirs (AHEM, Josh, Chris, Sona, Crystal, etc, etc). I've followed a couple women through their pregnancies, some through lawsuits, divorces, and other things that are monumental in one's life. Sometimes, it makes me feel claustrophic, trapped on the merry-go-round of life, never able to jump off. (Unless it's off a cliff, thus killing myself. I don't see this in my future, so no worries.) I'm moving on with my life, making essential career and relationship decisions that have made me happier than I've probably been all of this year. But I'm scared of failing. Failure has always been my biggest enemy; I've avoided people so much that I have agoraphobia symptoms. I've made crucial decisions in deciding what I want to do with my life because I'm scared of failing. I've hurt people when I've tried to project everything I could fail while keeping the friendship. Failure is a pain. In everyway imaginable. Gah, I'm depressing.

Ciao.

So, pretty much, I'm lame

2006-11-05T21:00:00.000-05:00

Yeah, let's just pretend I never even mentioned trying to post every Friday. I can't even tell you what I was doing Friday.

So, a few nights ago, I get a call from some chick who talks too fast for me to fully comprehend every word she is saying. Frances, maybe. It sounded like mumbo jumbo to me. Anyhow, here's basically what she said,

"Hi Whitney, I just wanted to say congratulations! This is Francemumbojumbo from Mumbojumbo Company and since you entered your name into one of our sweepstakes, we just wanted to congratulate you and your fiance on the free honeymoon you've won! You've won our Ultimate Bridal Package and we anticipate your phone call to follow up on everything you are recieving! Call us at 1.888.80.BRIDE with [confirmation number]. Again, congratulations to you and your fiance! I have wonderful news for you!"

Wonderful news?! You sure do have wonderful news for me, Frances! It's definitely news to me that I'm:

1. unknowingly entering my personal phone line into illegitimate sweepstakes,
2. already planning my honeymoon and
3. engaged.

Engaged?! I'm engaged? That is amazing news to me! Thanks Frances! I must've been asleep for that ride!

So, my incessant cynicism kicks in after I've jumped with glee that I am engaged and never knew it! I call the number, on a Sunday, and hear that I'm connected to Royal Prestige. I leave a brief message, basically saying that I would very much appreciate a call back.

After I hang up, I jump onto the computer and search Royal Prestige. A cookware company, Google dutifully informs me after a moment. I didn't realize I could win honeymoons from people who sell waterless/greasless cooking sets.

To my dismay (heh, heh), I see that this link is one of the first things Google spits out. After scanning, I am a wee bit concerned and visit a few other sites, like www.ripoffreport.com and search Royal Prestige.

Basically, they're going to call me back and say "Oh, all you need to do is go to one of our presentations and you'll win a free 3 day/2 night honeymoon wherever you want."

My first reaction is, now why do I want to go to a high-pressure sales pitch, buy some pots that are more expensive than what I plan on spending for a honeymoon (I've seen $3500 for a measly set of pots), just so I can get this free honeymoon voucher (Airfare included? I think not!) for two whopping days when I would rather do this and rest assured that this seller is Square Trade verified (similar to the bbb and I will get my money back should this not work, which, judging from their feedback, it should work). And can you beat $49? Maybe, if it was $48, but I couldn't find that.

But! I am going! I'm going to listen to the high-pressure speech, refuse when they offer me their craptastic cookware, and ask them how they recieved my phone number. Knowing my stubborness and big mouth, I'll probably say a thing or two when they say "Only 2% interest if you finance with us..." when their contracts state it is 2% each month, thank you very much. They offer a no-return policy, so...RED FLAG! But I'll go, open my mouth, maybe get kicked out...all in all, it should be a jolly good time.

Fifty-Nine

2006-10-28T20:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Santa,

It is my dearest wish that you bring Christmas early this year.

Please.

Pretty please, with sugar on top.

Love,

Whitney

Ah-Ha! I'm On Time!

2006-10-27T17:24:00.000-04:00

I guess I shouldn't be too ecstatic, but...meh. I'm happy that I have the day off today. This week, with the exception of today, I've had 12 hour days of work, but thankfully it isn't dragging on me....yet. I've got my eyes on the prize. I work tomorrow, whenever I get up I guess. Sunday off, thank you Jesus.

I'm having one helluva time trying to find maternity pants for Preggo. Oh boy. She wears scrubs for her job as a LNA, but is in need of maternity pants. Ebay has them, but there is no way I'm spending $40 on a pair of used preggo pants when I have Wally-World at my disposal, and for a good deal less. Yeah, I'm cheap, but so what. I don't make buckets of money.

I took a GRE Psychology Pre-test today. I got about five correct. Awesome.

I have neglected my Sims 2 characters for so long, I think they need some TLC, so I'm a sign off......

Ciao!

TGIF

2006-10-20T22:39:00.000-04:00

Truly, Thank God it's Friday.

Other things to be thankful for?

1. Schedules. Which leads me to the new purpose of this blog. Rather, a "wing" of sorts. My blog has lost a lot the spunk I had. Well, to be exact, the spunk I still have and never put onto the blog. Where was I? Ah, yes. Schedules. Because I seem to be following a 50 hour work week schedule now, I've found I acclimate to schedules fairly (and notably) well. Before my hapless attempts at writing on something outside of my life supersede what really matters (to me at least. Don't read this if you don't want to know about my life anymore. I'm no martyr of sorts for any real cause. I feel no reason to pretend otherwise) I'm going to make a plan for me. Odds are against me, due primarily to the fact that, frankly, my memory sucks. I probably won't remember to post, I'll forget I have a blog until Blogger suddenly and befittingly emails me to let me know they have deleted my account. And then I'll probably make a new one. But I've had this one for almost two years, I'm too lazy to start up a entirely new blog. Bah. My new schedule consists of me posting Fridays, after I've finished two jobs and will have probably fallen asleep once before 10:00 when I am right at the end of an excellent movie...yeah, like tonight. But it's 10:47 and I'm running anew on a York Peppermint Patty. Thank you, chocolate.

2. I am thankful that I have things to be thankful for. Almost two weeks ago, Shane and I narrowly missed having deer meat ride along with us (along with a windshield) to a hospital, unsure of whether the blood dripping down our faces is our own. Okay, maybe that was a bit grotesque. Oh well.

3. I am thankful for a second job like mine. I mean, $10/hr, I choose my hours, and I already know and admire the team. How awesome is that? Très awesome, I tell you.

4. Ben and Jerry's. My two favorite men got it right with their many eclectic but glorious chocolate combinations. First Vermonty Python and then Chubby Hubby? When did life get this good?

5. Netflix. Sure, they have gypped (is that word even politically correct? I know it refers to gypsies...but really, that's what they do...so I am deciding it works) me a few times by "losing" a dvd I sent them, so I send them an email begging for their mercy and can I please have Grey's Anatomy Season 2's disk number 3? Thanks muchos.

6. Family. Sure, having a huge family sucks ("No, aunt Carlotta, I didn't say that cousin Kyle was knocking up another under age girl...yes, I know you heard it from aunt Robin, but trust me I didn't say that...."), but they are the first to come to your aid when you're in trouble. Not that I have been in, but they've helped me out in recent weeks with issues that are troublesome but not in a bad way. If that even makes sense, because to me, it doesn't.

7. Discovering I had another $2 in the back pocket of my levis. Boo yeah.

8. Fall. I can't described how it looks at 8am, driving along the Connecticut River as the fog starts to ascend from the river, revealing an amazing reflection of the beautiful trees as they change color. If my memory didn't suck so much, I'd remember to bring my camera.

9. Cotton socks. Call me crazy, but whenever I used to wear them I'd feel claustrophobic within a few minutes. I think I've healed a bit. True, I can now only wear them for about an hour before my feet start twitching for air and chilliness, but for that one hour I am extremely cozy.

10. The approaching winter. Haha to you Coloradans who got some snow early, sucks to be you! I can probably only tease for a few more weeks before I am up to my knees in white, trying make the journey from my front door to my frozen-shut car while I gripe and mutter under my breath at the New England winters. But I'm thankful for it? Why? It's one more sign that Christmas will be here eventually. Boy, how I love Christmas.

Ciao!

Scary....

2006-10-09T20:29:00.000-04:00

It was 7:30, we were getting off of the highway in our coworker's car after dropping Sona off at the airport in CT. My car decided to not work this morning, so Shane had to postpone an appointment he had with Aflac to drive to the airport and back with me.

We're getting off of I-91 and it's dark out, as fall sets in. In a flash, I start screaming as I see a brown blur fly in front of us and Shane shouts, the car starts spinning, 55mph. I feel the car start to spin onto one side, as if it's about to tip over and hear Shane struggling to gain control of the car. We hit a deer that ran in front of us.

Shane gains control and veers us off to the side of the road. I've never been so shaken in my life and can't control my breathing. Shane's holding me, trying to settle me down, but I lost it. I feel my throat start constricting, signalling an impending asthma attack (I have stress-induced asthma).

All in all, it took an hour for me to stop stuttering, stop crying and stop shaking. Shane was amazingly calm, his heart wasn't racing like mine, his breathing was normal, but I was a wreck.

Speaking of wrecks, our co-workers car is amazingly alright. The headlights on my side were ripped out and the hood is all dented up, but it could've been worse. If I had been driving, I know I would've panicked and lost control, sending the car into those flips that almost happened.

And the funny thing is, if my car hadn't been a douche this morning, I would've driven home all alone.

Ciao.

P.S. Happy 2 years Shane, today, October 9th!

Blog, Blog, Blog, Blog, BLOG.....

2006-10-04T18:37:00.000-04:00

Life is wonderful lately. Doctor prescribed me more ranitidine but I've yet to fill the $65 prescription because, I'm broke. I have muscle spasms due to a possible fracture somewhere in my back according to my doc....going to get $1,000 worth of x-rays soon and start physical therapy. YAY!

But that's kind of sad stuff, not how I wanted to start the bloggity blog blog.

My new PC (yes, a PC, Laura, I hate Macs!!! I hate that rainbow spinning beach ball! Gah!) is so amazing. It has so many gadgets, I love it obsessively.

The next 12 months are shaping to be the best of my life, I'm intensely excited!

Picking up a second job, so I will have a good 50 hours under my belt, whoo hoo!

This weekend, in celebration of my birthday, the Sona and the Preggo are spending a beautifully glorious weekend (Friday, Saturday, Sunday and MONDAY!) of Ben & Jerry's, movies, mudslides (the drink, not the activity, though that would be fun) and mischief. Plus, lots of yummo fried ravioli with marinara and vodka sauce, mushroom and cheese tortellini and nachos courtesy of my amazing cooking skills. I am so amazing, don't be jealous that you don't get wonderful red welts on your hands when frying ravioli in burning hot olive oil.

In other fantabulous news, I just spent $20 at the Bump N Dent and got TONS of food....like buttloads. It's amazing too.

Ciao.

TGFSM

2006-09-27T18:09:00.000-04:00

Thank God for small miracles, like:

1. Nutella. Oh my goodness, good lordy. The store here FINALLY got some, I'm going crazy!

2. Ending the work day early enough to catch "Everyday Italian" on the Food Network.

3. Heather...small and a miracle after generations of all boys.

4. Spending time with pregnant women. God love them.

5. Ranch Wheat Thins. All I gotta say.

6. Having good blood pressure, 116/64

7. Cooking a big Italian feast with minimal oil burns.

8. Telling a few people a secret and not hearing it around the world in a few hours.

9. The Sims 2

10. Netflix and their timing.

Ciao.

Headache

2006-09-23T22:10:00.000-04:00

Ah yes, Whitney is in a mood. Because I have articulation issues, I find music to be my voice. Please ignore the eclectic assortment. This is mainly for me, but might help some of you know what's going on with me lately.

You and I have been through many things.

I'll hold on to your heart.

I wouldn't cry for anything,

But don't go tearing your life apart.

"Cry" - James Blunt

Most of us are sad

No one lets it show

I’ve been shadows of myself

How was I to know?

"Most of Us Are Sad" - Eagles

Which of the standard lines will we use?

I've been meaning to call you

I've just been so busy

We'll catch up soon

Lets make it a point to...

"Hope You're Happy" - Dashboard Confessional

I wanna be the first to call and tell you

Yesterday I heard the news

I hear you oughtta be congratulated

So I guess that's what I'll do

"Happy for You" - Saving Jane

Why do fools fall in love?

Why do birds sing so gay?

And lovers await the break of day

Why do they fall in love?

"Why Do Fools Fall in Love?" - Frankie Lymon

Jeremiah was a bullfrog, he was good friend of mine.

I never understood a single word he said but I helped him drink his wine.

He always had some mighty fine wine.

Sing it Joy to theworld...all the boys and girls now ,

joy to the fishies in the deep bluesea and joy to you and me.

"Joy to the World" - Three Dog Night...

Okay that last one was added just because the song popped up on my itunes

and made me jump out of my "emo" mood.

Just to clarify any questions, Shane and I are wonderful

(as unhappy as some of you may be at hearing that, but get over it),

none of these songs reflect my feelings on our relationship.

Arrivederci.

4 Weeks So Far.....

2006-09-21T20:25:00.000-04:00

Don't mind the weirdness of my pose in this picture. It's Crystal, on the left, and me on the right while we were in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina... (ignore the dates, the only accurate one is the first black and white one)

Again, ignore my weird look, I was burnt and I think I wasn't prepared for this pic (from left, Me, Mama, Crystal)

This is me and Crystal...(notice a theme? You'll see why...)

So, me on the left, Crys on the right....this is old school fabulous.

**************

Crystal, my cousin and practically a sister is pregnant. She's about a month along now, and I can't help but be overjoyed.

I love you Crystalski! You are amazing, so beautiful and honest; you will make an amazing mother! I can't wait to be there for you when you need me (and when you dont, haha). I am so honored to be a part of this child's life and I look forward to holding your hand or being another ear when you need someone to grouch to. You've blessed my life so much, I couldn't help my bawl when you told me first. You are such a wonderful, gorgeous individual; this child will be so loved! I'm excited for you and Tristian as you go through this together. I will keep your health and your child's health in my prayers always! I'm ecstatic to be there for you when you give life and all the years after. I don't know how else to say it, I just adore you! Let's go to Little Canada Road and celebrate your Preggoness!

Ciao.

Worms and Birthdays

2006-09-13T09:23:00.000-04:00

My puppy (Albert) has worms. I was in the shower, getting ready for work, when Shane came in and told me that he's relieved himself (that'd be #2) in front of the front door, five minutes after he'd been out for a potty break. He said that tons of worms were visible and that my mom (who was home because it was Sarah's first day of kindergarten) said there was a possibility Albert passed them on to us.

For a while, I've been feeling a bit under the weather, nauseous, dizziness and experiencing weird back pain that takes away my breath when I go from a sitting up position to laying down. I set up a doctor's appointment (my first in a year and a half, my last one from when I was in Colorado). After all, my prescriptions for ranitidine and naproxen had run out last July, and I definitely need ranitidine for my ulcer. Anyway, I made the appointment (happy now, Sona?) after trying to put it off as much as possible, due to the expenses that will incur (the 300mg variant I use of ranidine is an expensive prescription), luckily, I'll be able to check the worms thing out too. Still, it's almost two weeks away, September 25th, so that I have enough time to have my records mailed to New Hampshire.

While I'm here and you're reading, I'm having a party on October 7th for my birthday, so if you're in the area, let me know via Shane's cell, as mine is lost and/or broken. I'll be cooking a lot of Italian food, and if Sona comes she's making baklava (right? ha) so it should be a good time.

Ciao.

EQs, IQ's and High School

2006-09-10T00:22:00.000-04:00

I recently took an EQ test with work (which is supposedly set up similarily to an IQ, with the same scoring method). I scored a 140, which I guess is handy because I plan on applying those skills in my future career. I got the same score when I did an IQ test and thought it might've been wrong, so I took it again. I still got the same score though. I'm told that usually, one has a higher EQ than IQ or the other way around?

I have to say, I was terribly intimidated by the IQ one. Anything that measured skills, intelligence or knowledge always scared me. When I took my ACT in Colorado, I got a 30 overall, which wasn't very impressive (for me). I did horrible in my English, but fairly okay in Math, which shocked me as I'd been placed in the wrong math class my freshman year (Math A for all you Broomfield kids who read this) and wasn't in Geometry until my Junior year. Then, I took a mediocre math (problem solving), for my first semester in high school and graduated early after that. My freshman counselor had lost all my records and asked how I liked math (Mr. Johnson, I think his name was) and I said it was okay, so he put me in Math A, with all the slower kids. So, getting a 33 in Math was a feat for me (http://www.act.org/standard/planact/math/index.html I am too lazy for links), since I'd known so little on math in the first place. But yeah, English wasn't spectacular.

Anyhow, I never took the SAT's, never needed to, but they intimidate me as well. In high school, I was the kid who never took notes, rarely did homework on time, but aced tests....I mean, I'm sure some of you remember Advanced Placement U.S. History....and how I left after the first semester. (Lame, I know)...I'm lazy, I realize this and am vaguely bothered by it. But APUSH intimidated me, I felt her eyes boring into mine when she'd see I wasn't taking notes on her every word, and it didn't keep my interest.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my early graduation. I guess it's kind of sad that I still wonder if it was the right decision. I missed out on so much, and whenever I had to work in the afternoon, I would drop by the school to visit people. I missed it a lot, and my senior yearbook has two signatures, one from Sona, and one from Shane. (who didn't go to my school, who lived in Idaho!)

Meh. I guess I feel like I never was able to say good-bye to everyone. I might need closure. I was in Broomfield for years, I went to Kohl Elementary (yeah, Chris!), went to Broomfield Heights, and then Broomfield High. A handful of people in my graduating class were in my kindergarten class. I loved my class. I could've done without the cliques, but they did keep those people away from me, so I can't complain too much.

Ah, as I just told Laura, I'm a bundle of energy right now. If I tested my W.P.M., I'm sure it'd be in the hundreds (with an equal amount of mistakes). My back is killing me, my neck has been craned towards my nightstand - the temporary resting place for my monitor until I buy a desk. My cat is fat and taking up my half and hers on the bed.

On a completely unrelated side note, the power turned off at around 9pm tonight. I took Alaberto for a walk and discovered that our whole town's power had gone out. Including street lights and traffic signals. It was interesting to see crazy people driving.

Another unrelated side note, I never, ever edit my posts. Not for grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, or what have you. I guess you could file it as me being lazy, but I also see no need to edit what I say, misspelled words and all. Ti amo!

Ciao.

Thinking....

2006-09-03T23:30:00.000-04:00

Today, two people from my graduating class got engaged. Another one was married last April and has a son coming any day now. A third friend (who was my "exclusive" best friend for ten years) has a two year old.

It blows my mind, me, realizing that I've been out of high school for a year and 9 months, but I still feel...I dont know....young.

Now, I know....technically, I am young. I'm a month away from my twentieth birthday, still without a degree and relatively healthy. But sometimes, I still feel like that insecure girl, still unsure if the boy in her homeroom liked her. The girl who thought going out to lunch was a blessing. The girl who used to pick fights and slam girls heads into lockers (ah yes, the good ol' days).

However, the people who I knew as my friends, the ones who encouraged me to talk to the boy, who drove me to lunch, and who stuck up for me in detention have changed. It's like everyone is growing up around me and I'm...not really regressing, but...like my life is on pause. I have tons of things I want to do, but every time I try to do one of those things, I'm unable to.

An example? I upon what FAFSA decided to aid me with. I'm not going to be proud; I needed financial aid to go to school. My job won't pay a fifth of my tuition, nevermind everything else that goes along with college. FAFSA said they recieved my application, but my school later said FAFSA denied my application. After looking at their website, they said they never recieved it. I found out just days before the deadline for financial aid, so I'm going to have to rapplied for college, for the fall semester last April. My enrollment was contingent eapply for everything all over again to be considered for Spring.

Back to my friends, I had my circle. There was the one I could do anything, say anything to. We're still close, thankfully, but distance is a major problem. Another friend, we promised we would stay in touch. Now, I'm lucky if we send an occasional text message to one another...every six months or so. The final friend I was extremely close to. Even talking to them over messenger now hurts, just because we've lost that feeling, the same one I confided in every single day.

The first friend is doing something with her life, she's doing something she's wanted ever since I met her. The second ended up with the guy she's loved for five years, and the third is doing some amazing things with their life, spirtually and mentally.

And I'm here, in a job I love, but a job that is, admittedly, too much time. It's part time, but too much in the way that the schedule interferes with most other jobs shifts (ie: I can't get a second job). The people at work are great, the kids are excellent, but I'm not going anywhere. Because I'm in a forced union arrangement, I get no raise. I just work the same hours, for the same amount, for 180 days of the year, for however many years I work.

Shane and I probably wont get married for a few more years, which adds to the pile of things I want to happen now, but I know wont. I actually want to go to college. I want to travel abroad. I want a job that gives me the luxury of health insurance. I want so much, but I feel that I'm stuck, unable to achieve any of my goals.

Ciao