The rules are to to write down ten things you wish you could say to ten people in your life. You also have to disable comments (I see the reason, but I choose to keep them enabled) and you can never talk about it again. Basically, I think I might just follow the first one. I think it's important to talk about things that bother you and this past year I have gotten a lot out of my system. Most of you know how blatantly honest I am, but there are a lot of things I keep to myself.
1. I don't blame you for what happened. I hate that our relationship is so strained fifteen years later because of what he did to both of us. It wasn't your fault, you need to realize that. I'm proud of the person you have become, but I miss your friendship more than you know.
2. Even though I'm glad things worked out the way they did, I still miss talking to you when we friends. I hate that everything got so completely screwed around and you felt awkward talking to me. I'm sorry that things weren't what you expected and even sorrier that you let it happen.
3. Do you realize what a trap you're in? You try to deny things that aren't true but we both know you're deeply insecure. You've been through it all before and I blame myself for encouraging you through this a second time around. I only want you to be happy, not to settle for the first person that will give you a little attention.
4. I feel like I've lost a part of you. You used to know everything, now it feels like there is just this space between us that keeps getting wider everytime we talk. I miss having you, having someone that I can tell everything to, now I feel as if there is no one that could ever take your place, even you now.
5. I'm sorry that I can be a real (in your words) bitch sometimes especially last Aug-Oct. I realize now that I was taking so much for granted and was in a sense pushing you away. I thank God that you got past all of that and I thank you for all your honesty. I truly feel like I've gotten past it and we can work on the more important things.
6. I don't know why it's so hard to tell you I love you. I've known you forever and you mean so much to me and I wish I could be more open with you, like I used to. I wish that things were the way they were before even though I was unhappy. I'm so proud of you, it's important that you know that.
7. I feel like you blame me for what didn't happen. I couldn't have made her love you the way you wanted. You rushed things, you scared her. Am I the permanent reminder of what you don't have?
8. I tell you I am glad that we moved on, past everything, but I don't think you feel the same way. You hurt me a lot with what we had, but it hurts me more that we can't move past that. Why won't you tell me the truth about you? I all ready know everything but whenever I ask you to be the friend you were, you get scared.
9. I think this friendship is a joke. What kind of friendship is it when we're always arguing? Are we holding on to things for nostalgia or do we really think we can move past everything we've gone through this past year? I'm afraid to end it because of what you know. What are you afraid of?
10. I feel like I've taken everything you have done for me for granted. I don't understand how you can look past it and help me move on. You've been there for me since I was a baby and you know more about me than most. I don't deserve you but I am too proud to admit it.
I think what I learned most from this is that I could've made this list to 20 people. That's sad.
4 comments:
Though I have no idea who they are directed to each, it was really interesting to read it. =)
Thanks! :D
Props to this blog! Very interesting read, keep it up.
Grazie!(and i thought it was too mundane)
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